The Almighty League of Tubbington
by blue-starryeyed-songjay
Summary: Kurt, Blaine, Santana, Brittany and Rory are part of the League of Tubbington. They're all at Brittany's house to try to talk a cat out of numerous things. it's a bit confusing, to say the least. ON HIATUS


**Erm...*shuffles awkwardly* Plot bunny? (If you like AU angel! Kurt stories with Anderberry siblings and Kuinn siblings and a few mistakes...check out my other new oneshot, 'Don't Forget Me, I Beg'. Shameless pimping over.)**

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox. <strong>

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><p>In all honesty, Kurt knows he's never been in <em>this <em>situation before.

Blaine's standing on one side of him, Santana's standing on the other side, Rory's cowering behind Blaine and Brittany's standing in the middle, barking on about the 'League of Tubbington'.

'Because Lord Tubbington keeps ignoring me, I've decided to set up a team of bad-asses and a leprechaun.'

'Brittany, I'm not a le-'

'Potato head, I should warns you that I have razorblades in my hair. All up there.' Santana gestures to her hair and Rory pales. 'I should also tell you if you say one word during this meeting, I will personally go to Breadstix, and ban you from going there.'

Rory pales, and steps back slightly. Santana smirks. 'Mm-hmm. No more breadsticks for-'

Kurt grins at Rory and makes the sign of the cross with his fingers. Santana whips her hair around and glares at Kurt, who matches her gaze with equal intensity. Brittany smiles happily.

'That was hot. Now-'

'Brittany, sorry for interrupting, but who's Tubbington?' Blaine questions, his face crumpled up in wonder.

'My cat!' Brittany answers brightly. 'Now-'

'You didn't know?' Kurt asks. Blaine shakes his head. 'Remind me to show you my flow-chart of the New Directions relationship drama. I managed to add character biographies and pictures.'

Blaine brighten up considerably.

'So freaking charming.' Santana says. She claps sarcastically.

'Can I see that too?' Rory asks. Kurt nods.

'Excuse me,' Santana says, cocking her head to the side. 'Britt's trying to speak.'

'Excuse me,' Kurt replies. 'Rory and Blaine are trying to understand the New Directions.'

Santana huffs. She looks out the window and Brittany begins speaking again.

'The reason I called you all here today-'

'Which, I hope you understand, means I have less time to go around trying to find Wes's gavel.' Blaine comments idly.

'What's a gavel?'

'Something I'm going to kill you with.' Santana says, glaring at Blaine.

'If you threaten my boyfriend with another death threat, Satan,' Kurt says, his eyes narrowing. 'I'll make sure the razorblades which are supposedly in your hair end up somewhere around your chest, and you'll have saggy boobs which need to be inflated with _helium _which would ruin your singing career.'

Santana quietens immediately and Rory stiffens.

'This is actually really hot.' Brittany states, her eyes darkening slightly.

Rory sighs. 'Why are we actually here?'

'I bet you're only here because you live here.' Santana says spitefully.

'Temporarily.'

'It still makes works. Britt can't hold 'The League of Tubbington' if the leprechaun living in her house won't agree. What did she offer you this time? A blow-'

'That's enough, Santana.' Kurt cuts off Santana, freezing her with an icy glare.

Rory mutters a quick thanks and everyone turns to Brittany.

'Lord Tubbington's smoking, reading my diary, hacking my Twitter account and giving me attitude.' Brittany states. She gestures towards her alarmingly fat cat, who merely mewls in response to the accusations.

'You four are the biggest bad-asses I know.'

'How is Blaine a bad-ass?' Santana asks. Blaine nods.

'His sunglasses he wore when you burned the piano were awesome. Also, Mike keeps saying he's cool. So he's a bad-ass.'

'I don't think you know what a bad-ass is.' Blaine says awkwardly.

'Well, you look like that wizard who's best friend was a redhead. He's a bad-ass. Anyway, since you all are awesome, I figured that you guys could be Lord Tubbington's therapists.'

There were a few awkward beats of silence which Kurt breaks.

'You want us to, essentially, be a rehab centre for an overweight cat who smokes.'

'Yep!' Brittany grins.

'I don't see why not.' Blaine finalizes. 'Let's do this.'

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><p>In the end, they all decide that they'll all try some one-on-one time-'Does that mean you'll all have sex with my cat?'- with Lord Tubbington to try and convince him that what he was doing was bad.<p>

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><p>'Alright, Tubbie.' Santana says, sitting down on the bed and crossing her legs. She looks around the bedroom nervously, glaring at the door before settling down. She grins as she remembers that Brittany told her that she should try and tell the cat to stop smoking, and the others could work out what they wanted to scold her cat for.<p>

'Lord Tubbington,' Santana announces loudly, her gaze flickering over the the door,'smoking is bad for your health and it makes you ugly.'

She vaguely remembers saying something in this tone of voice when she was in the Bullywhips, taking Kurt to a classroom.

_What the hell happened to the Bullywhips? What the hell happened to Karofsky?_

Santana shakes her head. Now was not the time for reminiscing about beards and old clubs. Now was the time for talking to a cat to screw her (hopefully) girlfriend.

'Look,' she hisses at the nonchalant cat. 'I'm only doing this because I love Britt. Well, I think I do.'

Lord Tubbington looks at Santana blankly. Santana sighs, and smacks her head.

'I'm talking to a cat.' Santana suddenly says. 'I'm talking to a morbidly obese cat, who can't even hear me.' She sighs and glares at the cat.

The cat glares back.

They're suddenly participating in a glaring war. Santana rolls her eyes and the glare war is over.

'But seriously,' Santana whispers. 'Isn't talking to animals a sign of craziness or something? Because I swear Berry talks to cats everyday.'

Santana feels Lord Tubbington's judging glare and replies with a snarky comment about his weight. Naturally, the cat just looks at her blankly.

Santana sighs.

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><p><strong>I'm just ending this here because this'll prnbably end up as a multi-chapter fic or something.<strong>


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